Always with you
by tessinciucy
Summary: What if, the only dream Deeks never wanted to come true becomes reality? Will he be able to change that before it'll be too late? - There will be tears... sorry, so be warned if you're not in the mood for this.
1. Chapter 1

First warning, this is going to be a sad story with a bittersweet ending. I wrote it during a very tough/rough period so it reflects exactly what was my mood back then. I was not sure whether to post it or not, because now my mood is changed, but I decided to give it a try. Fingers crossed.

Second, I love Kensi and Deeks together as partners and as friends, I love the way they banter all the time, how much they joke, but mostly how they trust each other and care for each other. Sometimes I would like to see them making a little step further into their relationship but then, if they finally have to go deep into their _thing_, I'm afraid to lose all the things I love about them... so when I write them and they way I see their relationship, I might swift from a deep friendship to something more. Depends on my mood.

Third, the first part of the story might remind you of the beginning of my previous one; let's say it's intentional since the starting point (in my sick mind) was to see the team's reaction when one of them showed an uncommon behavior... I hope it won't be too predictable.

And last... usual disclaimers apply here, because the characters of NCIS LA don't belong to me (and as always all the mistakes are mine)

* * *

Always with you - Chapter 1

There was nothing wrong in that picture, everything was simply perfect. The sun was setting over the ocean, engulfing everything in an orange glow. Slow waves crashed on the beach, the air was fresh and salty. It was everything a man could ask for his wedding day. And Marty Deeks felt very happy and very lucky. The woman who was going to become his wife was, in fact, stunningly gorgeous, in every sense, of course, but she was even more beautiful in the morbid white dress that fit perfectly her perfect figure. Kensi Blye was simply amazing, he almost couldn't believe she was standing right in front of him saying her vows.

Nothing could be more perfect...

Deeks locked his deep blue eyes on hers, devouring her avidly, as she spoke quietly her words full of love for him.

He was ready to say his own vows, when a muffled sound reached his ears... a second later he saw Kensi's eyes becoming veiled... unfocused, her wedding dress rapidly soaked by the crimson red liquid, sadly too familiar.

Deeks stopped her limp body before it could fall to the ground, holding her tightly. Gently, he laid her to the sand, he could see her trying to tell him something, but not a sound came from her bloodied lips.

"Kensi, stay with me... Kensi... please!" he begged her, screaming on the top of his lungs as tears rolled down his cheeks, knowing that there was nothing he could do to save her... it was already too late.

Her eyes fluttered for a second, then closed for the last time. She was gone...

"Kensi!" he shouted desperately, pain clenched his heart in a tight grip... as a part of his soul had been ripped away from him.

"Kensi!" Deeks screamed again, waking up with a start, gasping for air. Disoriented he didn't know where he was; it took him a few minutes to figure he was in his bedroom, on his bed and that everything he had seen, was just a nightmare, the most horrifying and scariest nightmare he had had in years.

He sat up, feeling a bit dizzy. He was in a bead of sweat and little drops ran down his back. Passing a hand over his flushed face, his eyes caught sight of his alarm clock on the bedside table: 5.15am.

Resigned that he was not going to go back to sleep anymore, he got up, went to the bathroom and after refreshing himself a bit, he decided to go to the beach and clear his mind, going surfing.

* * *

Kensi walked into the mission at 9.10am perfectly in time, finding as usual Sam and Callen already sitting at their desks.

"Good morning guys" she greeted them jovially. The answer she received wasn't exactly the one she expected.

"Morning Kens" Callen said with a little movement of his head, he told her to look at the figure standing next to the coffee dispenser.

Kensi's eyes widened at the unusual sight as Sam told her "I got here fifteen minutes earlier than usual and he was already here. Fact is... he's not talking, not cracking a single joke..." he paused letting her digest the information "This is a first..."

Right when the ex-Seal had finished talking, Deeks moved away from the coffee dispenser and approached her "Hey..." he simply said, sitting immediately at his desk, his eyes avoiding hers.

Kensi was shocked not only for his behavior but for his general appearance. His hair was even more shaggier than usual, he wore the same shirt he had yesterday and there were black circles under his eyes.

"Rough night?" she teased him as she always did, this time without getting an answer though. Usually she found Deeks' never-ending talking annoying, but, at least, she was used to it. A silent Deeks was new and it was not only worrying, it was almost scary "Oh come on Deeks... are you mad at me? Or your last girlfriend didn't find you hot enough?"

The glare he gave her, could incinerate her "I don't want to talk about it, ok?" he told her, pretty upset.

Kensi exchanged a concerned look with Sam and Callen who were observing the scene with eyes wide open, shocked by Deeks' uncharacteristic bitterness towards his partner.

Kensi moved in front of Deeks so her eyes could stare directly at him "Deeks, what's wrong?" she asked unable to hide her growing concern.

He lowered his glance, his eyes fixed on the coffee mug in his hand "Kensi, really, I prefer not to talk about it..."

She saw him lifting his head up, noticing the veiled eyes as he looked at her "You are scaring me now, Deeks. Please tell me something"

He bit his lips, nervously, and his hand started shaking "I... I just had a bad dream" he admitted reluctantly, his expression pained.

"Bad dream? Come on Deeks, we all had bad dreams, but we never behaved like our cat is dead" Callen intervened.

Deeks' eyes narrowed and there was a hint of unusual anger into them "It was not a normal bad dream... it was too vivid... too real" he paused, his blue orbits lost somewhere "I haven't had one like this one since... since..."

Sam interrupted him "Now, you're behaving like a child. It was a bad dream, live with that!"

Kensi saw the deep sorrow in her partner's expression, the pure terror veiling his eyes. She wanted to tell him something but a whistle stopped her.

"Morning guys! We've got a case" Eric said with his usual smile on his lips "Hetty wants you in Ops in one minute"

Everyone knew not to upset the Operations manager first thing in the morning, so the three agents and the LAPD detective moved in unison and climbed the stairs without adding any other word.

"Good morning" Hetty greeted them, her glance laid on Deeks, one eyebrow arched skeptically noticing the unusual frown on the man's expression "I see you had a troubled night, Mr. Deeks. I hope this won't affect your work today"

Before he could reply, Callen and Sam couldn't suppress a chuckle at the woman's remark. They expected a witty reply from the younger cop, but what they got was a stone-faced and firm answer "It won't" the detective simply said, leaving everyone in Ops a bit startled.

Sam and Callen turned towards Kensi with interrogative faces, silently asking what was going in on with her partner; she could only shake her head, completely unaware herself. At first she had underestimated Deeks' statement about having a bad dream, as her older coworkers had done as well, but right now, she could see how all of this was bothering her partner, hunching his shoulder under a dead weight.

"Mr. Beale, would you mind…?" Hetty exhorted Eric to start describing the case. The face of a young marine appeared immediately on screen.

"This is Corporal Shane Westwood, 26yrs old, based on Camp Pendleton. He left the base two days ago, bringing with him some very valuable information regarding some secret locations of our troops in Afghanistan"

"You mean he stole them?" Sam asked, very disappointed.

"So it seems…" Hetty intervened, beckoning to the tech to continue.

"According to his military record, Westwood was an exemplar marine, pretty dedicated to the cause…" Eric was explaining it when Nell interrupted him, smiling gently.

"We ran a search on his background and there's not a single black spot into it. Westwood's father was a Marine and so was his grandfather as well. Even in his mother's family line there were several Marine officers, his uncle is General Elliot Radstaetter" the young analyst said turning to face her coworkers.

"General Radstaetter? Phew that's a big name!" Kensi whistled impressed.

"Do you know him Kens?" Callen wondered curiously.

"Are you kidding me G?" stopped him Sam "The man is a living legend! I can't believe one of his kin could have betrayed his country like Westwood did…"

"There's always the possibility that a rotten apple can fall from a perfectly sane tree…" everyone looked at Deeks who had remained uncommonly silent until now, his eyes fixed on the big screen "…or vice versa" he added almost inaudibly.

There was an awkward silence that followed his statement, Kensi stared at him as she wanted to go into his mind and find out what was really happening to her partner.

Even Hetty was a bit surprised by Deeks' words and by his complete lack of joking note in his voice. Fortunately Eric went on talking, catching the attention away from the LAPD Detective "Well, we checked Corporal Westwood's bank accounts without finding anything out of ordinary. No strange exchange of money… and yes… we looked for a secret account on his name… nothing"

Callen smiled realizing that Eric had read exactly his mind "Do we have any footage of corporal Westwood leaving the base? Anything that looked out of ordinary…" he paused realizing that he was missing something "Wait… how do we know that it's been him that stole those information?"

As an answer the computer tech, pressed a button on his pad and a video started playing on screen. It showed Westwood sneaking into his Captain's office, accessing to his computer and working on it, probably copying some files on a flash-drive.

"He knew what he was looking for" Sam said, furrowing his brows "It took him less than five minutes to turn on the computer and insert the flash-drive…"

"Four minutes and twenty-three seconds exactly…" Nell corrected him "…and ten minutes to do all the work" she added a bit embarrassed.

"He was… a little bit too nervous, look at how his hands were shaking" Callen pointed at the big screen.

"Westwood has been working at the base for… how long? Two-three years?" Deeks wondered.

"Three years and half" Eric answered him quickly.

"So why did he do that?" the detective continued "He should know that…"

"…there were cameras all around" Kensi finished for him.

"Or he is incredibly stupid or he had some very important reasons to do that" Deeks finally said, turning to face his partner, shaking his head realizing how in synchrony they had been.

"Well… seeing the way he was behaving, I tend to believe he had some very important reason…" Sam stated calmly "An idiot wouldn't have been so nervous…"

"Corporal Westwood has a girlfriend, Lynn Shyler. According to her boss she is on a sick leave" Hetty intervened as a photo of a blond woman appeared on screen "Maybe she knows something… Mr. Hannah, Mr. Callen, you go to Camp Pendleton and see what his captain and Westwood's comrades have to say. Miss Blye, Mr. Deeks, you go and talk to Miss Shyler"

"On it" the four operatives replied in unison.

"I'm sending all the data to your phones" Nell told them.

"I won't tell you what kind of repercussion this case will have if those information will end up in the wrong hands. So please be careful… and bring back some results soon" Hetty dismissed everyone and when everyone was leaving the room, she called Kensi back "Miss Blye, a word please"

"Yes… Hetty…" her agent answered puzzled.

"Do you have an idea what's wrong with Mr. Deeks this morning?"

Kensi stared at her eyes wide open "Sincerely, I don't know. He was acting a bit weird since he came here this morning"

"Miss Blye, this case is very important, please be sure that Mr. Deeks' behavior won't interfere with it" Hetty said the words with a steady voice, very bossy-like, but her eyes were full of true concern. It wasn't a mystery that she cared for the young LAPD Detective "Just keep an eye on him"

Kensi simply nodded and without saying anything more, she left the room going after her partner.

* * *

A/N: I confess, I'm a bit scared posting this story... I should see if my safe spot behind my couch is still free :)


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for your support, I truly appreciated it.

New chapter now. I apologize in advance if I wrote something uncorrect about US habits and customs since I've never been there; I have the tendency to think about Italian ones while writing. My bad! :)

As always mistakes are all mine, too bad I can't say the same for these characters. ;)

* * *

Always with you - Chapter 2

While driving her car to Lynn Shyler's house, Kensi couldn't stop looking at her partner sitting silently in the passenger's seat. His silence was more disturbing than unnerving yells, more than a fork screeching on a plate, more than a bird's call during the night… oh well, more than his endless talking.

Deeks was simply staring out of the window, his fingers close to his mouth, his mind far away from here.

"Hey, you ok in there?" she asked smiling gently, hoping he could finally open up with her.

"Yeah… fine" he replied distantly, without turning his head at all. His voice had such a sad note that melted Kensi's heart.

"Still thinking about the bad dream you had?" she insisted, trying not to look too pushy "I'm your partner, you know you can tell me everything…"

"Kens, I'm fine… ok?" he cut her shortly.

"Deeks, look I only want to…"

"If you want to know if I'd be able to do my job and have your back, don't worry… ok?" he snapped a bit disappointed.

"Hell… no! This is not what I meant… I know that you…" once again she was interrupted again.

He finally turned his head and faced her "Wasn't it the subject of the little conversation you and Hetty had back in Ops?" a bitter grin curved his lips.

"No! I mean… well…" Kensi felt cornered; darn this was not fair, she only wanted to know what was going on with her partner "Yes, she asked me to… keep an eye on you, but not because she doesn't trust you… I trust you… we're just worried. That's it. Is it that bad being worried about a friend?"

It was Deeks' turn to hesitate now; he closed his eyes before going on talking "I'm fine Kens… everything is ok…"

"No, it's not. I can see that there's something bothering you… I know you Deeks, I know when something is eating you…" she prayed that he could finally tell her something, this situation was getting a bit out of hand "It's me you're talking to…"

"Kensi, really… I don't want to talk about it. Please, let it go for once…"

"Let it go for once? Now you're wounding me Deeks! You're the one always going deeper into everything, you're the one who can't stop asking questions even when it's clear that I don't want to answer to them… you're the pushy one!" without realizing she heard herself raising her voice, losing a bit of her temper "Why the hell do you have to be so proudly stubborn?"

"Stop it Kensi!" his voice became louder too.

"No!" she shouted stopping the car "I won't stop until you'll tell me what's going on with you"

"I said I don't want to talk about it. Isn't it clear enough?!" he opened the car-door and jumped out of the vehicle, his hand going through his hair as he walked out.

"Oh no… you're not going to get out of it so easily…" Kensi got out of the car herself, running after her partner "Deeks! Stop! Talk to me…" when she was right behind him, she grabbed roughly his arm and turned him around "Tell me what the hell is going on!"

"I saw you die!" he yelled in a mix of anger and sorrow, his deep blue eyes, full of fear.

"What? I… Deeks… I…" she couldn't find any words to reply.

"In my dream… I saw you die…" he told her with a feeble voice as his legs failed him and he sat on the ground heavily "…and it terrifies me that it's going to happen for real. You… you died in my arms and I couldn't do anything to save you…" there were tears on his cheeks that he wiped away immediately.

Kensi sat next to him, taking his hand on her, speaking with a gentle voice "It was just a bad dream… I'm here and I don't have any intention to go anywhere" she smiled but the pain she read in his expression scared her.

"You don't understand Kens, this was not a normal bad dream, a regular nightmare. It was… too vivid… so real…" once again his hands moved through his hair, nervously "I… I haven't had one since… since the night before I shot my father. That time in my dream, I saw him beating my mum so badly that she died right in front of my eyes and I could only watch, unable to do anything to help her…"

"Hey, but your mum didn't die that night. You… you saved her from your father. And you saved yourself as well…"

A bitter chuckle escaped from his lips "You don't understand Kensi. That night… the night I pulled the trigger of that gun… my mum didn't die physically, but… but mentally she was never the same anymore. A part of herself died that night…" he paused losing himself into Kensi's dark mismatched eyes "I… don't want anything bad to happen to you…"

Kensi, still holding his trembling hand, squeezed it "Nothing will happen to me and you know why? Because you have my back…" she smiled tenderly "I know you won't let anything happen to me…"

"But… I…"

"Sshhtt" she silenced him, putting a finger on his lips "Now, we'll go back into the car, we'll go talking to Lynn Shyler and then we'll report back at the mission. Once this day will be finally over, I'll crash to your place with beer and pizza and we'll watch a movie… how does it sound? Does it make a better dream than the one you had?"

Deeks sighed heavily, bowing his head "Who is proudly stubborn now?"

"It's… a partner thing" with that, she got up, helping him to his feet as well "Better now?"

He nodded, unable to sustain her glance though. He wanted so badly to believe her, he wanted this day to come to an end as soon as possible, but there was that little voice inside of his mind that was telling him that something was going to happen, something very bad.

"Good then… let's go" Kensi realized that even if her partner had agreed with her, he wouldn't dare looking at her directly. He had avoided a straight stare and his eyes were still veiled by the worry. At least he had opened up with her, it was a beginning.

* * *

Twenty minutes later the two of them arrived at Lynn Shyler's house. It was a little one, with a small garden in front of it, with wooden fence all around.

Deeks knocked at the door, while Kensi took a peek inside from one of the windows. When no one answered, the cop tried again, this time both his hand and Kensi's moved to their gun.

"Miss Shyler, LAPD!" he shouted waiting for a reply "We need to ask you some questions"

When it was clear that no one was at home even if she was supposed to be there, Kensi decided that she could pick the lock on the door. A minute later they walked inside, guns in their hands, covering each other movements.

"Clear!" she stated from the kitchen.

"Clear!" he echoed from the living room before the two of them went to the bedroom and bathroom "Clear!" repeated Deeks.

"Clear!" Kensi's voice resounded in the empty house "It looks like our dear Lynn was not that sick in the end" she holstered her weapon as her partner mirrored her movements.

They both wore a pair of latex gloves and started looking around. Everything seemed perfectly in place, everything tidily arranged "Yeah… and it seems that no one's been here in the last days" there was a pile of newspapers, ordered by date, neatly folded near the couch. The last one was of four days ago.

Deeks was checking around when a little detail caught his attention. The table on the carpet was uncharacteristically crooked and its legs didn't match the sign on the carpet. At least two were not in the position they were supposed to be "Kensi, do you mind give me a hand moving this one aside?" he asked for his partner's help.

"Yeah… what have you got?"

"Don't know but something is off here. Lynn Shyler seems too anal to leave the table in such a way" while doing that, the LAPD detective, checked the newest marks. He signaled Kensi a couple of little brown-reddish drops "Does it look like blood to you?"

"Yep… dried blood" she answered, getting up and taking a look at the rest of the house. After her partner's discover, she observed everything with a more focused eyes "Here… look at this" she indicated the furniture on the living room "It seems that someone put everything in its place… without realizing that these frames were not in their exact spot. I hate the dust but here I can see it helped" she smiled, winking at Deeks who was studying other furniture.

"This has been dragged… it left tracks on the floor… do you think what I'm thinking?" he said furrowing his brows.

"Yep… let's check the trash bin… in this area of LA the garbage-truck passes on…"

"Mondays" he finished for her, sensing her eyes on him "What? I wouldn't be LA born and LAPD Detective if I didn't know when the garbage-truck passes in every area of the city…"

She chuckled, glad to see a hint of the old Deeks coming out finally. She moved to the kitchen and she didn't wait too much to find the trash bin empty "Definitely… something is not right here"

As an answer her partner picked up his phone and dialed Eric's number "Eric, can you check out the cameras outside Lynn Shyler's house?"

"Do I have to look for something specifically?"

"Check the footages from three days ago… we suspect that she's been abducted… maybe by the same people who wanted Westwood to steal those information" explained Deeks.

"Give me a minute…"

"Ok, I'll put you on speaker meanwhile"

Kensi and Deeks could hear the tapping on Eric's keyboard as he did his research, then a silence, until Nell's voice arrived clear.

"Here! The black van!"

"Guys… would you mind talking to us?" Kensi asked knowing how easily the two techs were carried away.

It was Eric who spoke to them first "There was a black van outside Lynn Shyler's house three days ago, at 8.50am. Two people came out of it wearing overalls… half an hour later they got out with a big… heavy blanket…"

"According to my measurements, the dimension could easily fit Lynn's body measures" Nell added "I think you're right. Someone kidnapped Lynn to have some leverage on Westwood"

"Eric…" Kensi started but before she could ask the tech already answered.

"On it Kensi. I'll see if I can find the van"

"And I'll call Sam and Callen" Nell's voice came from the background as she was moving "…and Hetty…"

"Ok we'll take a look around and then we'll be back. Keep us on the loop guys" Deeks told them closing the communication.

Kensi observed him, the frown of worry hadn't left his features but at least he was focused on the job, without over-thinking about the dream that had scared him to death "Let's take a look around then"

"What? Why are you staring like that?" Deeks wondered curiously.

She hesitated, unsure whether to bring back the subject "I was… thinking… but I… don't know… I…"

He locked his ocean blue eyes into hers, as he was reading her through them "It was the most terrifying dream ever…" he told her, leaving her speechless.

"Get out of my head Deeks!" she snorted, jokingly, but his expression froze her "You said… you said I… that you saw me die, in your arms… what happened?"

"Kensi… I don't like to re-live it, please, can we go on doing our job?" there was a pleading note in his voice that put her even more on the edge.

"Maybe you need to talk about it to exorcise your fears…"

"Are you going all Freud on me now? Hell… I should tell Ray that you're much more than Wikipedia" he joked, but his eyes were not.

"I'm serious Deeks…"

He turned around, unable to look at her straight in the eyes, a tight knot formed in his stomach. Sighing deeply, he finally spoke, with a feeble and hurt voice "Someone shot you in your heart… during… our wedding on the beach" without waiting for a reply, he walked away, leaving a speechless Kensi to digest his words.


	3. Chapter 3

And here we are, this is the chapter I've been dreading to post since I started putting this story in here. Be warned and prepared, there will be tears... As I said I wrote this story during a very BAD period, I could have changed it before posting it, but it wouldn't have been right for me because it wouldn't have been the same story anymore.

Again, forgive all of my mistakes and my bad use of English.

* * *

Always with you - Chapter 3

When they arrived back at Ops, Callen and Sam were already back from their fruitless trip to Camp Pendleton. Nothing useful had come out from it. The two senior agents observed their two team mates intently. If in the morning there was only Deeks that was behaving weirdly, now even Kensi seemed a bit off. Once in a while, while Deeks was not looking at her, she cast a scrutinizing glance at him, as she wanted to see behind the mask he was wearing.

Callen needed only a quick look to understand that something probably happened between them during their visit to Lynn Shyler's house… something that affected them both and not in a good way. A silent Deeks was already scary enough, silent Deeks and Kensi were awkwardly terrifying.

"Troubles in Paradise?" Sam asked, leaning on his partner not to be heard by the others.

"I don't know… I just hope it's only that…"

Their conversation was interrupted by Eric's excited words "And here it is! Found it!"

"Did you get it Eric?" Sam asked turning his attention to the screen.

"Yep, your black van is parked in front of warehouse, downtown Los Angeles. It's been there for the last three hours, there's no sign of activity inside but…"

"It's worth a check. Good job Mr. Beale" Hetty said pleased "I want the four of you going down there" she ordered her agents "But be careful, we don't know with whom and with how many people we're dealing with. Mr. Callen, if you'll see that you're short numbered, I'd like you to call for a back-up team. Am I made myself clear?"

"As always. Come on guys" he answered, winking at her.

"We're sending the map of the area and of the warehouse to your phones" Nell's voice reached the agents when they were already downstairs.

Callen sat on Sam's car as usual while Kensi drove hers with Deeks at her side. It was not the right moment to talk about what was going on through her mind, but she could not deny the fact that her partner's description of her death in his dream, had left her a bit uneasy. First, obviously, because she died… in his arms, but mostly, even if she didn't want to admit it, because he said that it happened at their wedding. Was it the way Deeks saw their relationsh… ooppss partnership going? Did he see her like more than a partner… than a friend? Unconsciously, she found herself thinking about the way she looked at her partner. Deeks was the person she trusted more in the whole world, even more than Callen and Sam probably, he was the only man who could read her like an open book… and not even Jack or almost her father had been able to do that. On the other hand, he was the most annoying person to have around all day, but she couldn't imagine to be partnered with anyone else anymore. They… simply worked perfectly together, as partners on the job or as human beings. But having a relationship with him? With Deeks? No… that was impossible… or not?

"Stop doing that" she shouted in her mind "It's not the moment"

"Did you say something?" Deeks asked her, locking his glance on her.

"No… I was just… figuring out… stuff…" she answered a bit embarrassed.

He bowed his head, unable to look at her "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have told you about that dream"

"No, you don't have to be sorry. I was the one who pushed you" she paused smiling at him "I'm glad you did it though"

He furrowed his brows puzzled.

"We… we need to talk about this. Maybe later… this night, in front of a beer" she told him, relieved to find in his eyes the mischievous look she adored so much.

"Haven't you said you were busy for the rest of your life?"

"I think we need to figure something out …" she winked at him.

Deeks didn't know how to take her look, but decided to play along for the moment "As we always do…" he winked back. "Are we good?"

"Yes" she said simply. She truly meant it "We're good"

The rest of the drive towards the warehouse was spent in silence, but the two partners were more serene, aware that they could set things straight between them once they could talk about it in peace, without anyone or anything interrupting them.

"…and here we are" Kensi finally said, parking her car behind Sam's in a hidden spot in front of the warehouse. From their point of view they could easily see the entrance of the building and the black van close by.

The moment he walked out of the car, Deeks felt his stomach clenching, as a tight knot turned it upside down. An alarm bell started ringing in his head. He had a very bad feeling about it, the same feeling he had during his dream. Unconsciously, he moved closer to Kensi, as he wanted to protect her.

"Kensi, Deeks, you took the back entrance, Sam and I will go straight through the front. Don't get inside without knowing how many men we're dealing with…" Callen instructed while wearing his vest.

The others did the same, nodding in understanding, before the two teams moved to their respective targets. There was such an unnatural silence in the area to become even oppressive.

"I don't like it G… something is not right here" Sam told his partners as they approached the main entrance. Silently they checked inside from a window.

"Yeah… me too" Callen replied, beckoning his friend to look inside "I can see three men from our point of view. Kensi, Deeks, what about you?"

"Two men here… heavily armed I say" she said taking position next to the back door entrance "But I think we can take them down, using the surprise factor"

"Are we all up for this?" Callen asked tightening the grip on his gun.

"Count me in" his partner stated gravely.

"We're in as well" Kensi answered for her and her partner "Deeks, are you with me?" she could see the deep frown on Deeks' expression, his determined face as he moved close to her.

"Yes, I'm good" he simply replied.

Taking another look inside the warehouse, the team leader asked "Do any of you have any view of the hostages?"

"The two men we can see, are guarding a door, maybe that's the place where Westwood and his girlfriend are secluded…" Kensi's voice resounded clear to everyone's ears.

"If they are still alive…" murmured Sam, voicing his worries.

"There's only one way to know" Deeks remarked firmly, straightening up and moving to the other side of the back door.

"On my three then… let's do it" Callen took a deep breath before starting the count "One… two… three!"

Simultaneously, the main entrance's door and the back one burst out open as the four agents stepped inside holding their guns "Federal Agents!" they shouted.

The men in the warehouse, even if surprised by the sudden appearance, collected themselves and started shooting at the NCIS team. Bullets ricocheted in the air. For a long moment no one of the two teams could find a target until Kensi shoot one of the two men on their side, sending him to the ground. She walked out of her cover place right when the other guard moved in front of her.

"Kensi!" Deeks shouted before firing his gun and killing his opponent almost instantly. "You good Kens?" he asked worried.

"Yeah.. thanks…" she signaled him to cover her as she walked towards Callen's and Sam's position.

Meanwhile the two senior agents were involved in a stalling game with the other three enemies, pinned behind some crates unable to get out without being hit by a stray bullet.

Deeks and Kensi moved silently so they could have a clear vision of their opponents, exchanging an understanding glance, they took two different directions so their enemies could be caught in the middle of their fire.

"Are you in position Deeks?" she asked whispering, mostly out of habits since with the echoes of the firing weapons there was no risk to be heard.

"I'm good… at three?" he replied taking position.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three!" they both said in unison while opening fire.

Callen and Sam realizing that their friends were covering them, got out of their hiding places and shoot the three men as well. It lasted less than two minutes and the three kidnappers went down.

They all moved, still aiming their guns at the bodies on the ground, to check on their opponents, ascertaining their death.

"Kensi, Deeks go check on the hostages" Callen suggested as he and Sam searched the bodies looking for IDs.

While they were moving towards the door they had previously noticed, Deeks felt the back of his hair prickling and cold shivers running down his spine. His blood froze when he saw a little red light on Kensi's chest "Sniper!" he yelled and without thinking he threw his partner to the ground, feeling the air been knocked out of his lungs when they both hit the floor.

Callen and Sam reacted immediately locating the sniper and taking him down with a volley of well-directed shots. A man fell to the ground from the upper level with a thud.

"Kensi… Deeks… status?!" Sam shouted concerned by the fact that the two younger agents were on the ground, almost unmoving.

It was Kensi who answered first "I'm good…" then turning her attention to his partner who was covering her body with his, she asked "You ok?"

"Yeah… I'm all over you… what else could I be other than good?" Deeks replied flashing one of his infamous grins.

"Get up, you idiot" she punched him on his arm, pushing him away, as she stood up.

The two senior agents approached them with their lips curved into smiles, happy that no one had been hurt. It had been a tough burst, but they made it practically unscathed.

"Go check that room…" Sam told them, still smiling.

"Come on Deeks" Kensi grabbed her partner's shirt without looking at him directly. She was surprised when she felt a little resistance. She turned towards him and she froze.

Deeks felt his head spinning, well actually everything was spinning, his legs became like Jell-O.

"Deeks!" Kensi's cry resounded in the empty warehouse as she saw him collapsing to the ground. In a blink of an eye, she knelt beside him, turning him on his back so she could check on him. Her heart almost stopped when she noticed the hole in his vest at abdominal-level and the blood oozing from it "Deeks… look at me… come on open your eyes"

Callen and Sam joined her on the floor and assessing their friend's injury, they exchanged a grave look.

"Eric, we need an ambulance… NOW!" the ex-Seal screamed into his phone with urgency "Deeks is down!" he heard an intake of breath coming from the other side of the line.

"On it" the tech replied with a shaken voice.

Deeks' eyes opened as his face was getting paler and paler, minute after minute "I'm fine… Kens…" he whispered gently, smiling at his partner who was holding him "You're safe…"

"Shut up you idiot!" Kensi told him, fighting the tears forming in her eyes "Keep your strength…"

His body tensed as a flash of pain flowed through him, but he tried not to show it, smiling "You know… it's too late Kens…"

She looked at her hands that were pressing on the wound in his abdomen, blood was pouring out of it, copiously. Damn vest piercing bullet! She cursed in her mind. This time she couldn't do anything to stop the tears, so she let them flow.

"Wow… Kensy Blye is… crying…" Deeks murmured, his voice weaker "Don't cry, please… I don't want to… remember you like this" talking was taking away all of his energy.

"Eric, where is that damn ambulance?" Sam shouted, sounding more desperate than he imagined to be.

Callen swallowed hard, fighting the anger growing inside of him "Deeks, come on… you're going to be fine…" he simply muttered, his words were not convincing at all, not even to himself.

Deeks gave him a sad, knowing smile "Take care of her… please" he moved his pained eyes towards Kensi, as he knew this was the last opportunity he had to lay them on her "Oh God… I'm going to… miss you…" he lifted his trembling hand, trying to reach her face, but it was too much. The hand fell to the ground "I'm happy… it's me… not you…" he was still smiling as he exhaled his last breath, as his eyes closed… forever…

"No… no… no! Deeks!" Kensi cried out desperately "Don't you dare doing this to me!" he shook him as she wanted to bring him back, but everything was useless… he was gone. She collapsed on her forearms that were resting on Deeks' chest and once again, she let the tears flow "This is not fair… it wasn't supposed to end like this, damn it!"

Sam stood silent, completely petrified, in front of the scene, it couldn't be true… no, this must be a trick or just a dream sequence. He felt his phone buzzing and with shaking hand he brought it to his ear.

"Sam, ambulance is one minute away"

"It's…it's too late Eric. Too late… Deeks is gone" these were the only words the ex-Seal managed to say, before his throat was caught into a tight knot. He didn't understand what the voices coming from Ops said, but he could feel the desperation and the sadness transpiring from them.

Callen got up, his eyes teary "Come on Kensi…" he told his friend, trying to make her stand as well, but Kensi refused to get up, to let go her partner's hand.

"No… I can't leave him… he is not…" her words died in her throat, she couldn't say that. Saying it would mean admitting it. And she didn't want to do that… not yet.

Callen grabbed her arms, circling her waist, attempting to take her away, but she fought with all of her strength, with all the adrenaline still flowing through her veins, with all of her anger… her desperation "Kensi… look at me… Kens… look at me" he turned her around so their eyes could meet "He's gone Kensi… Deeks is gone…"

Her legs failed her and if it wasn't for her friend's support, she would fall to the ground. Exhausted, completely drained, she wrapped her arms around her team leader and cried until she didn't have any more tears to shed.

* * *

A/N: so I did it... I killed him. I know you're going to hate me (I hate myself right now), but I hope to see you in the next chapter. There's still a lot to say...

OMG what have I done?


	4. Chapter 4

So it seems that a lot of you people hate me right now, others don't understand why I did it... in any way, thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciated every comment of yours, good or bad. It's an opportunity to grow and improve.

Now, since I have been very bad with the last chapter, the least I can do is posting an update. Let's see how much more you will be able to hate me ;)

* * *

Always with you - Chapter 4

Three days had passed since Deeks' death, one day after his funeral. LAPD had wanted to give him an official funeral, with all the honors reserved to cops fallen in the line of duty, but Hetty had refused. Firmly. She was Deeks' next of kin so the last word had been hers. She had opted for something more informal, more laid back as the person they were going to say goodbye had been in his entire, and unfortunately, too short life. A simple ceremony, before burning his body and spread the ashes in the ocean, that had been his home, the place where he had always been truly himself.

Kensi had laughed a bit thanking Hetty for her kind thought, smiling remembering the conversation she and her partner had at the morgue some time ago "Sorry Deeks… cryogenic suspension is still not working very well, I hope you don't mind spending your days in the ocean…" she murmured as she felt tears running down her cheeks.

She couldn't help it, crying was something she couldn't stop herself from doing. She had never allowed herself to be so emotional, to cry like that, she had always been in control of herself, but this time it was too much, even for her.

Everyone had been affected by Deeks' death and everyone was trying to cope in the most personal way. Eric and Nell closed themselves in Ops, running checks on the computers or putting folder in order… or doing unnecessary maintenance works. Everything to keep their minds busy and away from the memories.

Sam spent more time in the gym, fighting against a punching-bag or against the training machine, rather than sitting at his desk, feeling the absence next to him.

Callen simply buried himself into work, reviewing every single case of the last twenty years of NCIS. He couldn't lift his head and look at the empty desk in front of him. It hurt too much.

Dom's death had been hard for them to overcome, he was a nice guy, too young to die, but he probably never fit in the team, at least not in the way Deeks had fit… because Deeks had been different. His presence in their lives had been like the passage of a tornado… he was always too happy, an annoying chatterbox, mostly over the line, but he had always a joke for everyone, a smile for everyone, a caring word when it was needed.

Kensi was the one more affected by his premature departure. She was distant, silent, almost absent for the most part of the day, but she could suddenly start laughing and crying at the same time, remembering something about him, something they did together, something he said… little things, the little everyday routine they had established that she missed terribly.

Hetty was simply Hetty. No one truly knew what she was feeling, but everyone knew how much she had cared for the scruffy, shaggy detective, everyone had seen the tears forming in her eyes the day of the funeral. She spent her days at her desk, making calls and working on her computer, but where her mind was truly wandering, no one was aware of.

And this morning was not that different from the others that had preceded it, until the Operations manager showed up in Ops "Mr. Beale, do you mind asking Mr. Hannah, Mr. Callen and Miss Blye to join us here please? And please, without any whistle, just use phones or intercom"

"Yeah… right" Eric exchanged a puzzled look with Nell, noticing Hetty's dark face. He didn't dare asking the reason of that, he simply did what she told him to do.

Fifteen minutes later, the whole team was gathered in the blue lightened room.

"Hetty, do we have a case?" Callen wondered, he was praying to have one to lose his mind with.

"Actually no, not a case, but I have this…" he showed her team a light blue envelope "I think you might like what's inside of it"

"What's that?" Sam asked picking it up, recognizing immediately the handwriting on it.

"Exactly Mr. Hannah" the Operations manager told her agent "Mr. Deeks gave me this before his last undercover assignment with LAPD, asking me to read it to you in case something happened to him."

Kensi felt her heartbeat fastening its pace, almost exploding in her chest, feeling the sudden urge to touch the envelope, to sense his presence through it.

Callen cast a look at his friends, then spoke for them "Please Hetty, read it for us"

"With pleasure" Hetty replied, her hands shook a little while opening the envelope, understanding the deep meaning of what she was going to do. And then, after a moment she used to compose herself, she started reading.

_Dear All,_

_Wow this sounds too formal… but hey I never did anything like this before, so be good to me, especially considering that if you're reading this I'm already dead._

_So I was the first… darn I hoped I could have lived a little bit more, but it seems that the world was not ready for all of my charm, it was too much too take probably._

A smile curved everyone's lips while hearing these words, they were typical-Deeks and for a moment it was like having him around.

_Anyway, I just hope I didn't die because of my stupid mistake and mostly that anyone else was hurt because of me… being dead sucks enough, I wouldn't like having any of you guys hunting me for the eternity… especially Sam, that would be a hell of afterlife experience. Really!_

_Good, probably this is the moment when I have to say something profound but you know me, it's hard, especially if I have to say something to people like you… in spite of everything, of every difference between us, you became like a family to me, you gave me a place where I belonged… it meant a lot to me._

_Gah, this is getting a bit harder, so let's do it…quickly._

_Hetty, I'm sorry I didn't have the opportunity to tell you before, but your offer to become your liaison with LAPD has been one of the best things ever happened to me and I will never thank you enough for that… ooppss too bad I can't say that in person anymore. I hope you understand why I couldn't accept your offer to become an Agent, but feeling to have your support was a victory for me. I'm just sorry I wasn't the best of liaisons… but that's my fault, not yours. And don't worry I will always be your Cheeky Bastard…_

Hetty's voice broke a little reading this bit, she felt her heart became heavy in her chest. She was going to miss Detective Deeks, that was for sure.

_Nell, Eric… Well, I think that if you two didn't exist, someone should invent you both. You're simply amazing and not only when you're doing your job; every one of us knows that you saved our lives more than once. Just do me a favor, never change the way you are. You're both too good… and Eric, sorry no more surf-talking…_

_Oh hey, I almost forgot, there's a secret stash of Oreos in my desk… I know Hetty won't be happy with that especially if you'll eat them in Ops, but we're not going to tell her, are we?_

The two techs stared at each other, giggling. They simply didn't know what to say, but Deeks' words were comforting and as always funny at the same time.

_Am I really doing this btw? Am I really saying something to every one of you? Death makes you do weird things… *put a heavy sigh here please*_

_Callen… what can I tell you? I've been honored to work with you, you're a hell of an agent, best undercover operative I have ever met… well, maybe beside myself, but this is another story… But mostly I'm glad I was able to be counted as one of your friends, I know how hardly you trust people… I should have done something good to deserve this… You know, I was planning to buy you a TV for this Christmas, you could use some fun once in a while. Life is too complicated and a little bit of craziness sometimes helps to make it more bearable. Just don't ask any advice to Kensi, her taste in TV shows is a bit questionable. Anyway… I can ask Sam to buy you one perhaps… oh I'll definitely do that._

Callen thought deeply at his friend's words for him. They both had a difficult upbringing but he never found a way to get over his mysterious past completely, keeping everything bottled inside himself. Deeks, instead, did the opposite, using his cheeky and positive attitude to go on with his life becoming a good man in spite of everything he had to go through during his childhood. A new admiration for the man grew inside of the senior agent and he regretted the fact he never told Deeks that.

_Sam… I have to confess I'm a bit afraid of telling you anything. As you said, you and I couldn't be more different, but I think that in the end we worked it out pretty well. Gaining your respect was one of the most important achievements in my whole life. I know that at the beginning you saw me just like an idiot, like someone who was not able to take thing seriously… a clown. I'm glad you changed your mind… because you did it, didn't you? Or I would have been dead for years…so thank you for giving me a chance, I hope I was worth it…_

_And hey… remember, TV for Callen… he deserves to have some fun once in a while (cable TV would be a nice addition…)_

Sam shook his head, Deeks… damn the man! Yes, he had doubted the shaggy detective at first, doubted his abilities as a cop and as someone who could watch his back, but he changed his mind. Deeks was probably not very orthodox, not the common person he could like, but he was very good at his job, never failed them once. And this meant a lot in the ex-Seal's book.

_And this is the hardest part… Kensi… my partner. Fern… I… am sorry, I didn't mean to leave you alone, I know how much this hurts you. I will miss you… deeply, I will miss teasing you all day, getting on your nerves, driving you mad from morning to night. I'm not so sure you'll miss me singing Whenever I call you friend though… I know you hate that song! But it was too tempting mocking you with it … Don't do anything stupid, ok? Promise me… you're Wonder Woman and all, but even Wonder Woman is human… Take care of yourself… and stop eating junk food! As I told you, a second in the mouth a life on the hips!_

_And please… could you take care of Monty? He loves you… but hey, he's got good taste, as his master…_

Kensi was fighting hard the tears forming in her eyes, she didn't want to cry now, not here, but it was impossible. The void she felt in her heart thinking about Deeks, was almost consuming, the idea of not having him around anymore, unbearable… Damn you Deeks, she silently thought, closing her eyes, not to show her anger… her pain. But it was impossible… she remembered Lieutenant Bates's world "Partners like Deeks don't come and go so easily"… it was sadly true. Friends like Deeks were not easy to find… not easy to lose…

_Ok, I think it's done… I hope you finished reading this without tearing it to pieces because I was too annoying. Just for the record it took me ages to write it… and I have to actually use my brain to do it, give me some respect at least! But you know… it took me so long to write it because leaving you and say goodbye to you, it's the hardest thing ever. I never felt at home anywhere, not as I felt with all of you. I will miss all of you deeply…_

_I better stop now, because I don't want to cry and I think dead people can't cry anymore. It would be awkward…_

_It was a pleasure working with you, knowing you…_

_See you in another life (yes I'm quoting Lost, I couldn't resist!)_

_M.D._

There was an unnatural silence when Hetty finished reading the letter. No one dared to look at the others, because they all knew that there were tears in everone's eyes. For a moment it had been like having Deeks around… too bad it was just a moment.

Silently without saying a word, Callen left the room, followed immediately by Sam. Nell and Eric went back to their computers, staring blankly at the screens. Kensi composed herself and slowly, she turned around and attempted to leave Ops as well, but Hetty stopped her.

"Miss Blye, I have something for you" the older woman took out another envelope from the pocket of her jacket "Mr. Deeks told me to give you this and to tell you to go to his favorite spot on the beach to read it"

Kensi picked up the letter from Hetty's hands and unconsciously, brought it to her chest, unable to say anything, too overwhelmed by the emotions.

"I suggest you to take the whole day off" the Operations manager told her, holding her arm "…and if you need anything else, just ask"

"Thanks Hetty" the younger Agent murmured feebly.

"You're welcome… you know we're here for you" and with that, Hetty passed by Kensi and left.

The agent stared at the envelope, at Deeks neat handwriting saying simply _To Kensi_. Taking a deep breath, she walked through the door and left as well.

* * *

How was that? And hey... you're here so thanks for giving it a try in spite of last chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

So it's time for Deeks' letter to Kensi. I hope you'll like it... and that maybe you'll hate me a little less than before. A girl can dream... :)

All the blame for the mistakes goes all on me!

* * *

Always with you - Chapter 5

She drove in auto-pilot to the beach, finding the place she was looking for easily. It was almost midday and it wasn't very crowded. She removed her jacket, shoes and socks and walked bare feet on the sand, finding a quiet place to sit down.

With trembling hands, she opened the envelope, unfolded the letter and, sighing heavily, she started reading. She wasn't sure what he could have written to her, but her heart beat madly in expectation.

_My dear Kensi,_

_I think writing this letter to you will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life… my too short life, I have to say._

_As I said in the one I asked Hetty to read to all of you, working for NCIS was one of the best things ever happened to me… well, that was one, the other was being your partner, working with you every day, knowing you… because you, Kensi Marie Blye was, is and will be, one of the most... well no, the most important person in my whole life, probably the one I will miss the most… and not only because of our _thing_… And speaking of which, before I could forget (you know me, I can be carried away very easily), I think it's going to be you the one who's going to make that call to Ray and tell him how our thing ended up… well, I don't think he will be too happy to hear it… Just say hi from me ok? And please, do me a favor. Keep an eye on him, I know he won't screw up things now that he has too much to lose, but… it's Ray… so…_

_Now… where were we? Our thing… we were talking about it, weren't we?_

Kensi could not suppress a smile, she could totally picture him saying that to her, right here… right now…

_Admit it Kens, we have a thing… since the very first moment I saw you walking into that MMA gym, I knew that there was something special about you, that there was a connection between us… we clicked and I know that you felt the same way. I saw it in your eyes… because Kensi, even if you will never say that loud, I know you better than anyone else… I'm your partner… well, I think that technically I was your partner, I'm not anymore._

_Anyway, if there is one thing that I truly hate about being dead, is not been able to be at your side, watching your back… protecting you. I know you don't need protection from the other people, you can take care of yourself very well. I want to protect you from yourself… you are so self-confident in your abilities that I am terrified that one day you'll make an error in judgment and… Because I don't want anything to happen to you… you're my partner, my friend… my… my girl and I simply want you to live and be happy._

"And how the hell am I going to be happy without you around Deeks?" she said loudly, with a hint of anger in her voice "You… left me…" hot tears rolled down her face.

_So try to find a way and be happy. I might be gorgeous and awesome, but I'm not there anymore with you… not physically at least, so please move on, find a man, marry him… make a lot of baby ninja assassins and live every second of your life as it was your last one. Enjoy every moment of your life, because you will never know when the fate will turn its back to you… trust me I know it from experience._

_I wanted to be with you for a lot of years in the future, but probably it was not in my destiny… I hope that at least I left something good behind, I hope I made the difference for someone or heck, it would be a great waste… with all of my potential…_

Kensi could see Deeks' cheeky grin as she read those words, even saying something with such a deep meaning, he couldn't be completely serious.

_Now… what's the meaning of this whole letter? Why did I like you to be right here in this place? It's simple… tremendously simple. As you well know, this is my favorite spot, to surf or simply to stare at the ocean… it's the place I felt more at ease, that I felt completely myself. So I wanted you to see things from my perspective… just for once…I wanted to share a very deep part of myself with you. When… well after shooting my father, I… I couldn't go back home immediately… first my mother and I had to recover from the beating he gave us that night, then the police wanted to be sure that I really shot him in self-defense. My mother was sent to a place where she could recover mentally about the whole mess, but I think she never did completely… and I was sent there too. When finally I'll be able to get out of that place, I came here, sitting on the beach, staring at the horizon. And for the first time in my life, I felt free… watching the sea and the sky becoming one thing, mixing together, gave me hope because I realized that even the worst experience can turn into something special… something important for your life. It's all up to you the way you can turn your life into a complete misery or into the most beautiful experience ever. I chose to live my life like it was a gift, giving and taking everything possible… And now I would like you to do the same Kensi._

_I'm not big-headed here imagining that my death had affected you, because if the parts were reversed, I'd be destroyed, I… oh damn it, why is it so hard trying to talk to you? It's frustrating how I can't find the words!_

_Look, Kensi, there is nothing more than I would have liked that spending every day at your side… working on our thing day after day, but… I don't want you to die with me. I want you to live, not for me… but for yourself. I know that Marty is not the best of names, but maybe you can name your son after me… I'm running too fast? Too many information? Ok… I think you can have a dog named Marty instead, more appropriate… don't you think? Hey… but you never called me Marty… mmmm well, Deeks can work fine as well for a dog, not so sure about a baby though…_

Kensi was like a river in flood now, she was crying and laughing at the same time. Hell, he did it again… he got through her, touching deeply into her soul. "Why did you have to be so… awesome Marty Deeks?" she whispered, clenching tightly the letter she was reading. Even after death he couldn't stop caring about her, looking after her… making her feel like she was the most important thing on the face of the world.

_You know, I'm writing you this letter sitting on the same beach you're sitting now, the sun is shining and there are great waves… do you think there are waves in Paradise? If I get to Paradise of course… because believe me, I'm going to miss surfing, I'm going to miss the ocean, the waves… the salty air, but no matter how much I love them, I will never miss them as much as I'll miss you Kensi… I'm truly sorry, I didn't plan to leave you, to make you suffer, I wish you'll be able to forgive me, because I'm not forgiving myself for being so stupid to die, I am not forgiving myself because I never told you how much you meant to me when I had the opportunity… how much I loved every single moment I spent with you, every single part of you…_

"Oh Gosh… what he wanted to tell me? Did he really… no… it can't be…" Kensi told herself, shivering at the idea.

_Ok, I think it's time to stop now… but remember, even if you won't see me, I will be just a step away from you. Always… Always with you._

_Yours Marty Deeks_

_PS Cryogenic suspension, remember? Warn your daughter ;)_

The last line made her laugh out loud and a couple passing by, looked at her with puzzled expression "Darn Deeks, I'm going to miss you… badly; even if it's going to be tough, I'll try to do what you asked me, but I won't live only for myself, I'll do that for you too…"

Kensi looked at the horizon, at the thin line separating ocean and sky, amused, and all of the sudden she felt lighter, more relaxed. She was folding the letter when a line she hadn't read yet, caught her attention.

_PPS You know me, I can't stop talking… so here is another post scriptum. Sorry about that… I tend to talk a lot, if you haven't noticed before. I forgot to tell you one little thing, I love you Kensi Blye, in the most complete and intense meaning of the word. And I will love you for the eternity. M.D._

She bit her lip, fighting the urge to cry again… and suddenly she remembered what she told him during the small-pox case with the Five-0 guys, it was so true… so sadly true. You were not able to realize how much you cared about something, until you lost it. She never realized how lucky she had been to have had such a caring, funny and loyal man at her side, every day… not until she had lost him. Now she knew… she had been lucky, because she had crossed path with Marty Deeks…

A little smile appeared on Kensi's lips at that thought. She sat there for the rest of the day, observing the surfers enjoying the waves, kids playing on the sand, seagulls flying over the ocean, watching the sunset. When it was the moment to leave, she felt strangely at peace… it was like there was a presence beside her, that eased her pain. Still with her eyes on the horizon, she whispered "Thank you Deeks… I love you too"

She was leaving the beach when she had the impression to hear him talking to her with his typical surfer drawl, the usual playing note in his voice "_Don't worry Fern, I will always be with you_"

Smiling broadly, she turned on her heels, walking towards her car, towards her life, her new life without her partner, knowing though that she will never be alone… he will always be the invisible and constant presence in her life.

* * *

Ok this is where the story originally ended, but then a new idea popped out of my sick mind. Would you like to read it? Just let me know :)


	6. Chapter 6

And yes, this is the last bit of this story. The idea simply popped out of my head and it wrote down by itself. I don't know whether it'll be fulfilling or not, but it gave me a sense of closure... even if the past chapter could have been a right end as well. Please let me know what you think.

* * *

Always with you – Epilogue

She was staring at the ocean, watching the waves crashing on the beach. Peace was engulfing her.

"Nice view, isn't it?"

Kensi turned her face so her eyes could stare directly into Deeks'. She smiled sweetly "Yeah, it's amazing… I can see why you love this place so much"

"I'm glad you appreciate it, at least as much as I do" he sat next to her, his shoulders brushing hers, sending shivers through her whole body "So big day…"

She chuckled, embarrassed "Yeah, so it seems. I still can't believe it… it sounds strange even to think about it"

"You'll do great" he took her hand in his, making circles with his thumbs, slowly… delicately "And you know I'm here, with you"

Kensi leaned her head against his shoulder, her eyes still fixed on the ocean in front of her "Do you think I'm doing the right thing? That I… that I won't mess things up?"

"You? Messing things up? No way…" Deeks put his arm around her shoulders, feeling her trembling under his touch "You know it in your heart that this is what you want, that this is what you have always needed, so what could go wrong in this picture?"

"Deeks, you know better than me how things can go wrong so easily…" she paused lifting her eyes so she could look straight in those ocean blue orbits she loved so much "What if I'm not ready for this, what if I… if I won't do it right? It's not like I'm going to buy a new shirt or a pair of jeans… this is a decision that will change my life, the rest of my life… forever"

"And it'll change your life for good…" he smiled tenderly, gently caressing her cheek with the back of his hand.

Kensi could not stop shivering at his touch, it felt so good being here, with him… again "Deeks… I…"

"Sshhtt" he silenced him, putting a finger on her lips "You know it's right, don't doubt yourself now, don't doubt your choice… I haven't seen you so happy in a lifetime. And you know how much I love seeing you happy, how much I love seeing you smile, playing, teasing… being simply...you…"

Tears formed in her eyes at the sound of those caring words, just the sound of his voice sent butterflies in her stomach.

"You… will you be with me?" she asked timidly, bowing her head.

"Always… I will always be with you, you should know by now" he flashed one of his smiles, the one that lightened up his whole expression, the one Kensi could not resist.

"I still think that things should have been different, that… what happened should have not happened, that…" she started but once again, he stopped her.

"You can't change it anymore… what's done it's done. I came to reason with it and you should do it as well. Everything happens for a reason…" he paused, looking at her with his knowing expression, with his eyes that could go so deep into her soul "It's not a matter of… us anymore, now it's all about you, about your happiness… your future. And believe me, I'm more than good with it… so be good with it yourself"

"Since when, you've been so wise?"

Deeks chuckled amused "I take this as a compliment…" he become serious "Accepted it!"

There was a moment of silence between them, they simply stayed still, watching the ocean, enjoying each other company "You know I miss you…"

"Oh I know you miss my shining personality!" he told her, smirking.

She elbowed him playfully in his side "You wish!"

"What? Tell me you don't miss the sound of my voice, me cracking a joke at you… talking to you…"

Kensi cast a cold glance at him, incinerating him without even saying a single word, but this didn't stop Deeks from talking, as always. It simply pushed him to go further.

"…and I'm sure you miss me bringing you your daily dose of donuts in the morning. You and your junk food addiction…" when he realized that she didn't respond to his teasing, Deeks took her chin with his hand, kissing her forehead "I miss you too Fern… but you know I'm still around, that I will always be here for you. I promised you and you know I can keep my promises"

Another tear rolled down her cheek when she felt his soft lips touching her skin "I… wish things could have ended differently…"

"Oh well me too… and I wished we could have done that trip to Australia…"

She furrowed her brows, trying to understand what he was talking about.

"You forgot about it… really? This not fair sweetheart…" his expression softened saying the last word "Remember that Tesla thing? Ring any bell?"

Memories flooded her mind and Kensi couldn't stop laughing at them "Oh God… you were really going to pee on your shirt…"

"Hey, I… I didn't want to die at that time… and I would have liked to do that trip with you…" his voice lowered realizing the hilarity of what he was saying.

"Yeah… I know" she simply said, sighing heavily.

"Ok… I think I better get going" Deeks got up, taking the sand away from his jeans "And you should do that as well, you have a very important appointment today. I don't want you to be too late…"

"I think so…" her whole features softened, just thinking about what was going to happen "You will be there, won't you?"

"I will never miss it, for anything in the world. It's your day Kens, be happy with it, enjoy it and treasure it…" he offered her a hand so she could stand as well "And I will never allow you to be sad today… nothing and no one will ever ruin this day. You've got my word!"

"Thanks…"

"Ok, time to go Princess… see you later, right?" he whispered leaning on her and kissing her cheek "Man, I'm so proud of you, Kensi Marie Blye"

And with that he walked away, towards the ocean, while a breath of wind blew, messing up with his hair.

Kensi watched Deeks' image disappearing into the sea and she felt a bit lonely in that moment, but once again at peace. He had always had this effect on her; just the sound of his voice, sensing his presence beside her calmed her, made her feel at ease with herself and with the world around her.

"I knew I would have found you here" Callen's voice took her back to the reality.

"You know me very well" she simply told him, without taking the eyes away from the ocean as she was looking for something or someone.

"You ok?" he asked her, a hint of concern in his tone "You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

Kensi finally turned to look at her friend, flashing a smile, a full satisfied smile "No, not anymore… coming here helped me"

Callen was very good at reading behind the lines of her words and he fully understood what, coming here, had meant to Kensi "You know Deeks would be happy for you, he always wanted only the best for you"

Five years had passed since Deeks' death but it seems like yesterday, for all of them. The pain was still too fresh… too deep inside of them to get over it. At first they didn't realize it but with the time going, they all understood how much the blond, shaggy haired detective had meant to them, touching them deeply, leaving a big void after his death. Kensi hadn't been able to cope with it, closing herself into a shell, shutting everyone off, but one day her friends started to notice a change, like she had reached the peace with herself and with what had happened; from that moment it was like she started living again, the old Kensi was finally back. Then, one other day, one year and half ago, it happened. She arrived at work with a big smile on her face, the one everybody had missed so much and so they knew… they knew that Chris was the right man, that he was the perfect cure for her heart, that he could make her finally happy again.

"Actually, I'm even sure he and Chris would get along pretty well" Callen continued smiling at the image forming in his head.

Amused Kensi mirrored his expression "Oh that's for sure"

"So, you ready?" he asked, touching slightly her forearm and after receiving a nod as an answer, he added "You should go home and get ready then"

"Yeah, just give me one more minute… this morning is just too beautiful, dawn's too perfect to miss it"

"Fine, just few more minutes. Call me when you'll be home, ok?" Callen told her; he saw something in her expression, in the way her eyes sparkled, something that told him that she was truly fine, probably more than that. She was… radiant, because she had realized that it was right for her to happy be today.

"I'll do that. Thanks" she said, moving her glance back to the ocean, her lips curved into a pleased and satisfied grin. Kensi hugged herself, feeling the soft breeze of the early morning caressing her skin; she closed her eyes inhaling deeply while whispering "Thank you Deeks, for everything, for opening my eyes, for pushing me back to life, for giving me another opportunity to live… Thanks for… for meaning so much to me, for being the best friend I could have ever asked for... for being simply you" then slowly she turned on her heels and walked towards her car, she could feel a familiar presence, the same she could feel every day when she was out doing her job, the same she sensed every time she was a bit down or lonely or when she was so happy that her heart seemed to explode; again she smiled as a familiar voice echoed in her mind _You're welcome Kensi…_

* * *

She walked slowly along the short path that was taking her to the altar, her hand in Callen's arm. She couldn't be happier than she felt in this moment. Her mother was sitting in the front row with Hetty, Sam and Eric; right behind them her new partner Steven Walsh, with his wife and son. Nell was her bridesmaid and she was standing at the altar with a huge smile planted on her face, so wide that made her look even taller. On the other side stood Chris, her fiancée-soon-to-be-husband, unable to hide his anxiety and at the same time, happiness.

They had met a couple of years ago when her house needed some remodeling. She called the first architect on the list Eric had given her and the day after, Chris showed up at her door. She immediately felt a strange connection with him, liking him at first sight, loving his kind manners, his shyness that hid a whole funny and playful personality. They became friends at first but slowly the friendship turned into something more serious and without almost realizing it, they were engaged. And here they were…

When Callen left her in Chris' hands, she couldn't control her heartbeat… after a lot of time she finally felt whole again. After five years she felt like she had finally found a way to keep the promise she had made to Deeks the day she had read his letter, on the beach. She had told him that she would have tried to be happy, to live for herself… but even for him. And here she was, on her wedding's day.

Before the ceremony started, she turned around to look at her friends, for the last time before becoming a married woman, a wife. They were all smiling, happy for them… and with them, leaning against one of the columns of the side aisle, she saw him.

He was wearing his usual jeans and blue shirt, the same he had the day he died, his appearance, laid back as usual. There were tears in his eyes, happy tears, as he locked his glance on her, the blue of his orbits even deeper than usual, so much alive. He nodded in her direction as he wanted to give her his blessing.

She could hear his voice talking to her _You look amazing Kens, Chris is a lucky man_.

His tongue played with his lips in a gesture Kensi had seen him doing so many times, then he straightened himself up, turning on his heels _Be happy Kensi, don't allow anyone to make you sad. You deserve only happiness_ and again he disappeared.

She took a deep breath feeling her heart full of love; she looked at Chris and, touching his hand, she smiled. Her eyes filled only with joy. A new exciting chapter of her life was going to be written, but deep inside of her, she knew that in her heart there was always a part of her past, the best part of her past… in her heart there will always be a place for Marty Deeks.

_Don't worry Fern, I will always be with you… always._

The end

* * *

And yes, that's all... I can only say thank you to everyone who had reviewed, gave me suggestions, advices and even to everyone who hated me for this. I truly appreciated.

I hope to see you reading the next story as well :)


End file.
